We all know our thoughts and beliefs can sometimes negatively impact us and lead to our self sabotage. This post is to talk about common thought processes that we engage in and how we can work to change it. As you're reading through this, try to point out which types of cognitive distortions you engage in most of often so you can be more aware of how you need to restructure your thinking. Cognitive behavior therapy focuses on these concepts.
We all have heard of the inner child but what isn’t talked about enough is the inner parent. Healing from the your childhood wounds is difficult, but not impossible. We have to remember that even if our parents (or other caregivers) weren’t there in the ways we needed, as adults we have more control over our environment and how we cope with our troubles. I made a post about connecting with your inner child. This post is about connecting with your inner parent.
A lot of people struggle with change, whether it's internally or externally. The thought of change can bring discomfort and fear of the unknown. It's even rooted in us that change is bad. For example, "you've changed" has a negative connotation in most cases. We hear it in songs where artists claim they've never changed up or talk down on people who have. We're almost conditioned to think that changing means being "fake."
We can all agree that life is always changing and a lot of it isn't in our control. Wouldn't it make sense that we should also be changing to keep up? If we stay the same, then there's no growth. We are SUPPOSED to change. We are human and the world is so big and filled with experiences and opportunities. All these things contribute to us learning and becoming better people. If you try to avoid change as much as possible, you're avoiding creating a better life for yourself. If you're having a lot of negative experiences due to the way you're doing things, it means you need to change if you want more positive experiences.
I had a rough childhood, as a lot of us have had, and the adults in my life failed me many times. When I grew older, I was still carrying a lot of those childhood issues into adulthood. I didn't know how to get rid of them and it affected me badly for years. One day, I was just reflecting on my life and I imagined that younger me was in front of present me, as if she was like my own child. I immediately felt so many feelings. I just wanted to hug my younger self and tell her life will be okay because she didn't know at the time that it would be. I wanted to give her the talks that I wished I had received. I wanted to tell her the important life lessons I've learned between then and now. That's when I realized that I had been neglecting my inner child because I figured she wouldn't exist or be important anymore as I became an adult.
A lot of us have grown up and started to realize how our past can cause trauma that alters us deeply. It could be things like dealing with abuse, trying to heal from toxic people, seeing the death of a loved one, or so many other situations. I know that everyone dealing with trauma has had different experiences, but hopefully at least some of these tips can help: